How The Federalist Papers Saved My Life and They Will Help Save the Country, 1994-2024
The Federalist Papers: A riveting discussion about the psychology of human behavior
In December, 1994, my life was broken. I had lost nearly everything and everybody that was important to me. This is the story about how The Federalist Papers helped save my life and my sanity.
The story starts in 1992. I was in the MBA program at the University of Iowa, studying finance. My goal was to become a finance professor and write articles and books about finance for the general public. By the summer of 1992, however, I was totally debilitated with depression.* I'd suffered from the illness for most of my life, but medication, cognitive therapy, a couple of great psychiatrists and psychologists had kept my brain and body functioning at nearly 100% for a decade. (In 1984, I was hospitalized with depression. In 1990, I took the GMAT, the test to get into an MBA program, and my score was in the top 7% of all GMAT scores.)
By the summer of 1992, I’d been a sober alcoholic for more than16 years but depression had taken over every part of my life. I had no desire to eat, got little sleep, couldn’t read or write, and had trouble carrying on a conversation—I would forget what I was going to say halfway through a sentence. Not being able to support myself was the most devastating part of my illness. I seriously considered killing myself. I believed I was a worthless person because I couldn't work and pay my own way through life.
However, I knew my death would cause my mother horrible pain. So, I confronted my belief that I was worthless because I couldn't support myself. I confronted this belief like I'd confronted so many irrational thoughts over the years. I wanted to kill myself because of money. I forced myself to consider this thought from every angle, proving to myself that it was irrational. That afternoon I decided that I had to do whatever it took to stay alive. I had to patiently wait for the medications to work, and lean on God when I couldn't stand by myself.
My recovery was slow. My friends abandoned me. And the only family member who stood with me was my mother. But she died after a brief illness in January, 1994.
During the summer of 1994, my imminent death seemed inevitable. I started putting my things in order. But I also treated myself to cable TV, which I had never had before. And I discovered C-SPAN. I became addicted to watching it. I began to worry more about my country than myself! This led to my picking up The Federalist Papers in December, 1994. I wanted to know what the Constitution meant to the people who ratified it—the people who agreed to this contract.
If I had never gotten sick, I would not have picked up The Federalist Papers. And, even if I had picked them up, I wouldn't have needed to "translate" them. Before this episode of depression, I would have been able to just read them. However, because of my illness, when I read the first paragraph of Paper number 1, I didn't have the foggiest idea what it said. I decided that figuring out what the first sentence of The Federalist Papers said would be a great brain exercise. I looked up words and slowly rewrote the first sentence until it made sense. Then I went on to the second sentence. This was a slow process. It took me a month to fully understand the first Paper. Then I started in on the second Paper. I wasn't "translating" the Papers for publication, I was doing it as a mental exercise, and for my own information.
I was surprised by the content of the Papers. With the exception of textbooks, I rarely read non-fiction. But The Federalist Papers is a riveting discussion about the psychology of human behavior. They clarify the clauses in the Constitution. More importantly, they use examples to show why each is needed to preserve liberty and freedom.
As I worked, I was replacing the dark thoughts spawned by depression with the brilliance of our Founding Fathers. And I realized that I was in a unique situation. My only asset was time. No matter how slowly I worked, I could eventually finish translating the book. And other people didn't have this luxury. Perhaps I could publish the translation so that people that I didn't even know could enjoy what I had discovered.
This was the biggest breakthrough in living with my illness. I actually could imagine the friends I would gain at some point in the future because of my hard work on the Papers. In 1995, I moved to Washington state, lived in my 5th-wheel trailer, and continued my work on the Papers. My first translation was published in 1999. And in 2000, I moved to the Oregon coast.
I still struggle with depression. I've never fully recovered. But I've made some wonderful friends who have helped me build a permanent home. They don't judge me for what I am unable to do; they appreciate what I can do.
Reading and writing can still be difficult. So, I sometimes go periods of time without writing about the Papers and how they relate to current events. But I feel blessed whenever I am able to write and share what I have found.
I've never thought of killing myself again. In fact, as I worked on the last Papers for my first translation, I actually worried about dying before my work was done. I was—and am—convinced that the information needed to set our beloved country back on the right course is contained within The Federalist Papers. Just as they saved my life and my sanity.
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Epilog
Since I’d never been interested in studying history, after my first translation was published, I wondered if I was related to Noah and/or Daniel Webster. I have since discovered they are my cousins. (We are all descendants of the 5th governor of Connecticut, John Webster.) And I am a direct descendant of Dr. Samuel Fuller, John Alden, and Miles Standish, who arrived here on the Mayflower.
Facebook page: Federalist Papers, Mary E Webster
Email: Mary@Webster.org
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*"Depression" the illness is different than "depression" the feeling, just like having a "cold" is different than feeling "cold". This article discusses some of the symptoms I had with depression.
The Federalist Papers In Modern Language: Indexed for Today's Political Issues: Webster, Mary E.: 9781980716679: Amazon.com: Books
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